Twenty-Five Things I’ve Learned By Twenty-Five

I’m twenty-five this year. It seems kind of insane, but since I’ve lived every one of those years it’s not that crazy. I feel that, hopefully, by twenty-five, I should have learned something. I thought I would share some of the lessons I’ve learned. Some of these are serious and some of them are a bit silly. None of them are revelations, but I think they are all things that we have to learn for ourselves.1. Sometimes it’s not personal.

It is so easy to get caught up in your feelings and imagine personal slights that don’t really exist. Not getting a text back from a friend can feel like it’s on purpose, but rarely is anyone that petty. (Unless you know for a fact that your friend is petty. But you might need to drop them anyway.)

2. Sometimes it is personal.

It is definitely worth giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, but remember, “Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

3. People aren’t always talking about you.

A few months ago I met up with a friend from my hometown. I asked him about his family and he delved way into some personal information that, if I still lived there, I would probably know all about. But I didn’t because I generally like to find out about him from him. I can’t say that no one is ever talking about you behind your back, but it’s rarely on the scale we imagine in our heads. I know for me, sometimes it can grow bigger and bigger until I assume everyone is talking about me. And then I have to step back and think about how vain that is.

4. If someone is judging you it’s usually because you’re worth thinking about at all.

5. Buy the shoes (after you’ve saved for them).

6. Opportunity cost is real.

I never went on spring break. Even the years I had an opportunity, I chose to do other things (like attend a conference for a research paper or interviewing for a nationally competitive award) which panned out way better for my future. Like a lot of Millennial girls, I watched The Hills growing up. I will never forget the line “She’s going to always be known as the girl who didn’t go to Paris.” While LC is obviously doing just fine, I took that lesson to heart. It’s honestly one of the biggest lessons I live by.

7. Sleep is not for the weak, it’s for the smart.

I spent a lot of high school and college living on very little sleep. For no reason. When they say you can only do two out of studying (working), sleeping, and socializing, it is kind of true. But if you manage your time well and learn how to prioritize, you can balance sleeping and socializing. I’m definitely not compromising on getting my work done.

8. Friendship is a mutual decision and you will find friends who value you.

9. Other people worry if you value their friendship too.

I used to worry a lot about if my friends liked me as much as I liked them. And then, as it does, my world got bigger. I met better and closer friends, and that hasn’t been a real worry for me anymore. I’m also close enough to the friends I have now to talk about those kinds of worries.

10. How far you still have to go does not negate how far you have gone already.

11. Not getting to the next step in your goal does not mean that you won’t reach your final goal.

I have five- and ten- and thirty-year goals. We all should plan for our goals, so I do, but I have stopped being delusional and thinking that I can control the uncontrollable. I also have taken steps to stop beating myself up for changing my mind.

12. Dehumanizing each other only makes us the monsters.

14. People will try to equate your assertiveness with being overbearing.

15. You can’t be afraid to admit if you’ve actually been overbearing.

Although standing your ground is important, it is equally important to know when you are exhibiting negative behavior. And admitting it doesn’t excuse you from making an apology.

16. People who say they don’t like McDonald’s are generally lying. Either to you or to themselves.

17. There is freedom in knowing what you won’t compromise on, whether it’s how people treat you or in the quality of what you put into your body.

18. It’s also pretty darn great to know what you will compromise on.

For me, it can anything from $65 moisturizer and $10 foundation to what activity I do with a group of friends.

19. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your best friend being your cat (or dog).

20. Nobody likes that person who doesn’t buy their round.

21. You will drive yourself nuts if you invest your whole self in every single thing.

Self-care, Y’all.

22. Dressy flats can be your best friend. It’s why I keep buying them.

The nicer ones can be great for formal occasions and then less expensive ones are great for going out in.

23. You are worthy of what you want (or at least as worthy as anyone else is).

24. You cannot be afraid to get caught trying.

That doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone your business or your plans, but there’s no shame in trying to do something for yourself.

25. Waiting to be in another place, at another age, in another job, or another weight will only hold you back.